


Call Sign: Avenger

by riot3672



Series: Danbeau [2]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Femslash, Fluff and Angst, Haircuts, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Making Love, Making Out, Nick Fury mentioned, POV Carol, Reunion Sex, Sexual Content, Stealing Cats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 12:51:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riot3672/pseuds/riot3672
Summary: After the snap, the first thing Carol Danvers has to do is find out what happened to Maria and Monica. But even celebrating the lives she didn't lose, Carol can't help but struggle with the one person she did lose -- Fury. And what she'll be able to do about it going forward.Takes place during Endgame. Obviously, ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD.





	Call Sign: Avenger

_Protection is giving nothing, even when there are galaxies ready to burst behind your flat eyes._ Carol couldn’t remember who’d told her that, or the particular context. A part of her that squirmed under the quote thought it was something to do with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. When she’d watched the faces cross the Avengers (seriously Fury? Just name a whole organization after her?) with a churning stomach unable to say the words. Yes, where was Fury. She knew. And it hurt so bad to know. But there was no taming that sick feeling, not really.

Because she couldn’t ask them about Maria and Monica. And like everything else in life, she’d swallowed the feeling and done what needed to be done. Fueled the fear and anxiety into anger. Into determination.

She’d gone in with every intention to kill Thanos. Kill him as violently as impulses asked. Forget seeming collected or sane for these people. She would’ve ripped Thanos’s heart out through his throat if she so wished. Anything to make the world right again, to avenge Fury, to bring him back.

But it hadn’t gone that way. She had to rest with Fury being gone, she had to find out all alone if Maria and Monica were okay.

She didn’t even say goodbye to the group. Not that anyone wanted to talk. She just flew right over to Louisiana. Right to the house where she’d built Monica a crib, where she kissed Maria goodnight every morning and night, where they’d gazed at stars, destroyed cars, and drove Maria insane the countless late nights as she tried to prove aliens and cryptids were real before she had actual proof aliens were real. Where they'd lived. God, just _lived_.

Maria had to be alive. Monica had to be alive.

She might’ve broken a window on the way in. Or a door. Or nothing. God, Carol couldn’t even remember. Just that she was inside the house and there was Maria, sitting in front of the TV with her hands over her nose and mouth.

“Maria,” Carol said.

Maria turned around slowly, as if she’d whipped her neck around too many times not seeing what she wanted to see. Her hands dropped, features going blank. Blank, blank, then the tears welled in her eyes. A smile spread across her face.

Maria got out of the chair, but Carol’s running embrace sent them both back onto the couch. Carol held her close, pressing their chests together so hard ribs rubbed. Anything to get their hearts as close as possible. Maria’s ragged breath against her neck, Carol could finally process it. The hiccuping breaths, the whimpering, it wasn’t just Maria. She was crying too, crying into Maria’s hair, getting tears everywhere.

“Where did you leave your cell phone this time?” Maria asked as they rocked in each other’s arms.

“I didn’t…” Carol wasn’t even sure what question she was answering. “I…” She squeezed her eyes shut.

Maria pulled away, enough so they could make eye contact. “What happened?”

No. This wasn’t about her failure. She had to focus. Monica. “Where’s Monica?”

Maria’s lips formed a thin line. “She’s fine.”

Carol exhaled, as slow as she possibly could. Somehow, that was making her feel faint. As if one could feel faint from relief. “Thank God.”

Maria rubbed her eye. “I don’t think God made this happen.”

There was that bolt of anger through her gut, like someone branding her from the inside. “No. It was a monster named Thanos.” Her voice had gone flat, dead.

Maria touched her arm, jolting her back to a reality. “What happened? You’re…” Maria touched a spot on Carol’s glove. It was stained red with blood.

“We killed him, but he made the stones disappear. There’s nothing left to do.”

Carol watched a lifetime’s worth of emotion flash across Maria’s face—the anger, the grief, the panic, the despair, the acceptance. Maria’s chest rose and fell with it.

“Monica’s alive,” Maria said. “We have—”

God. The tears rushed right back. At that point, Carol would’ve given a leg for any other physical reaction. “Fury’s gone.”

The words fumbled and fell on Maria’s lips. Tears anew.

She took Carol’s hands, blood and all.

“Carol…”

Carol lip wobbled, throat closed, the tears flowing. She couldn’t make them stop. She couldn’t breath. Each breath came out as a gasp, a spasm, an attempt at something she feared she could never do again.

“I couldn’t win,” Carol said. “And it’s not just—I know I have to get back up, Maria, I _know_ , but I can’t fathom doing anything right now. Fury’s gone. I don’t—I don’t know if there was anything I could’ve done, but we’re in this world, and it will never have Fury in it again. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to be Captain Marvel—” She hitched a breath, her heart slamming in her chest. “I don’t know how to be Carol without that pager—”

Maria pulled her into a hug again. “You know what you always told me, told Monica. Cry until it’s hurting more than getting rid of the bad stuff, distract from the overwhelming, deal with it when enough time has passed.”

A moment of silence passed. Carol coughed out a laugh. “Shit, I’m so inarticulate.”

Maria chuckled. “There’s a reason you aren’t a therapist, ace.”

Carol wiped the tears from her eyes. Took a few deep breaths.

“Want me to call Monica to come ov—?” Maria said.

Carol cut off her words with a kiss.

A simple kiss. A tender kiss. A Disney kiss. A kiss that was supposed to feel like a huge, gentle and warm and comforting. Secure. Wrapping her arms around Maria, pulling her close, that’s all it really was. A security blanket, pulling down the shades on a lazy morning to lay entangled in each other’s arms longer, the words _I love you_ sewn into the air around them.

And when Maria kissed her back, took her face in her hands, Carol knew she made the right decision. Whatever the motivation had been.

“I missed you so much,” Carol said.

“Every minute you’re gone,” Maria replied.

Carol yanked Maria’s shirt off, pulled them closer together. Nothing like the heat of the skin on Maria’s back, the feeling under her fingertips as Maria’s muscles shifted beneath her. She needed more. Chucked off her gloves. Still not enough.

No.

She was…wearing the damn suit.

Carol pulled away, expression a little blank. Maria smirked as Carol fumbled around her suit for the right zipper to go first.

“You should see me try to do this when I have to pee,” Carol said as she finally found the right zipper.

Maria laughed, and it was the best music Carol had heard in years.

As Carol pulled off each painstaking layer of the suit, Maria clicked through her phone, casual and beautiful in just a pair of jeans and a bra. By the time Carol was down to a bra and underwear, Maria had Heart playing.

And right back to an embrace. Lips to lips, hands groping down to chests, hips, squirming to remove those last few layers of clothing. Kisses down Maria’s collarbone, between her breasts, down to the waistband of her underwear.

“Not yet,” Maria said.

Carol hovered just above Maria’s belt. “Hmm?”

Maria rolled Carol’s underwear down off her legs, leaving her completely naked. “I want all of you. Just us. Remind me what we’re fighting for.”

And that’s what they did. Slipped off those last layers of clothing and kissed. Kissed down the curves of Maria's body, kissed her until Maria as clutching the loose threads on the couch and sinking into the cushions. Left Maria's taste on her lips as Maria slid between Carol's legs, begrudgingly obeying Carol's curt requests for a rough enough touch to forget. Repeated the process with fingers and chafing body to body dances until they were both slick with sweat and voices scratchy from overuse. Kissed and touched and sucked until Carol couldn’t remember who she was or where she was, merely who she was with. She’d forgotten how good it felt to be gentle.

#

Carol awoke with an uncalled for peace, a few seconds of stillness before she looked at the clock, saw it read 2:02 AM, and realized Goose was still at Fury’s apartment.

The difficult part, as always, wasn’t getting into Fury’s apartment. No, that was as easy as a photon blast to the lock. That didn’t matter. She’d done it so many times to his damn door. It was the way it hit her when she stepped into his apartment and found a jacket strewn across the couch, the type of move Fury would’ve never let stand for long. It was the move he would’ve done if he hadn’t planned on being gone for long.

Goose sat on top of the jacket. Carol had no idea if it would’ve pissed Fury off to have the cat hair on his stuff. Probably mad, but in that way where he’d still be nice to Goose but complain about it endlessly. Fury, legendary tough guy, had loved Goose enough to keep her even after she’d wrecked his eye.

Goose jumped off the couch and approached Carol, rubbing her head against Carol’s leg. She picked Goose up, cradling her. Embracing her like Carol wished she could’ve embraced Fury. He wouldn’t have liked it, but she would’ve hugged him so hard she’d have accidentally tackled him. It probably would’ve embarrassed him in front of the Avengers, but it would’ve been okay.

Goose looked up at her, that intelligence Carol still didn’t understand in Goose’s green eyes.

“You didn’t swallow Fury, did you?” Carol asked, her voice wavering. “If you did, it’s okay. I can figure out how to let him go.”

Goose looked away, as if to tell Carol the answer was no.

She took a deep breath and dropped onto Fury’s couch. It smelled like him, even if she didn’t entirely recognize the scent of his cologne. Goose in one arm, Carol ran her fingers along the fabric of Fury’s jacket.

“I’m sorry,” Carol muttered.

Not even Goose licking her hand could ground her. It still didn’t feel real.

Would things have been different if she’d never left Earth back in ’95? Ultimately, yes, she did help Talos relocate the Skrulls. She’d saved countless planets. But at what cost? Was it wrong to think, that she could’ve stayed on Earth? How much had she missed? How many milestones of Monica’s, how many nights and changed laws with Maria, how much…friendship with Fury. She’d have never told the Avengers, but just the sight of the enormity of what Fury had built had overwhelmed her with pride. What if she’d been there to watch him make all of that? Would something have been different? Could she have prevented the pain her home planet faced?

Goose licked her harder. Carol scratched his head. Goose bit.

Carol retracted her hand as she flew back to her place.

“Hey, asshole!” Carol said.

Now her hand was just plain bleeding. Thanos’s blood washed off. She sighed and went to his cabinets. He had a dangerous job. He should have bandages.

And she found bandages, as well as a single photo on Fury’s kitchen counter. That photo from before Mar-Vell’s crash, the one with Maria and Mar-Vell as Carol climbed into her plane. The one that displayed her call sign.

Avenger.

Out of all the photos to keep displayed, he picked the one with that call sign.

As if that was how he saw her.

Someone who helped people. People who needed her.

Earth hadn’t needed her. But other planets had.

Other planets still did.

She scooped up Goose and left.

#

When Carol returned to the house, the smell of bacon permeated the air and Monica sat at the breakfast table scrolling through her phone. Maria had aged beautifully, hardly a visible change, but it always took look at Monica to _get it_. Monica was thirty-five at that point, physically older than Carol had been when she returned to Earth the first time. Worked for Fury, really, knew him better than Carol supposed she had. Did amazing shit.

But this Monica, for all that Carol believed, _knew_ she still had that incredible spark, looked weak too. In pain.

“Hey, Lt. Trouble,” Carol said breezily as she sat next to Monica at the table.

A grin spread across Monica’s face. “Oh my God, _stop leaving_!”

Monica threw herself into Carol’s arms, sniffling to hold back the tears. Carol kissed Monica’s forehead, just like she had since the day she was born. Goose rubbed against Monica’s leg.

“Gotta agree with Monica here,” Maria said as she set down plates of eggs, bacon, and strawberry Pop Tarts.

Monica gave her a look. “Mom, I’m not five anymore.”

Maria smiled. “Carol is, though.”

Carol shot Maria the finger as she took a Pop Tart. God, she missed Earth junk food. Or Earth food in general. So many planets were in love with those nutrition tablets and grilling alien roadkill and calling it a delicacy. 

“Should I ask you what cool stuff you’ve done lately or do you just want me to fill you in on _Game of Thrones_ and if I’ve found all those cryptids you’re obsessed with?”

Carol took a swig of coffee. Sighed. “I don’t think anything will be changing any time soon.”

Monica frowned, eyes away from Carol then back on her. Not looking her in the eyes, though. “Oh.”

Carol exhaled. “If it helps, I feel kinda stuck with it all too.”

“But you’re going back up there, right? Or at least join the Avengers finally?” Monica asked.

She knew the Avengers didn’t blame her for what happened, but something still left a sour taste in my mouth thinking of that. “I don’t know.”

“They need you,” Monica said. “Regardless of what happened.”

Carol glanced down at Goose. “So does everyone I was already helping. I don’t know.”

Monica shrugged. “So keep a line with them. Keep doing what you’re doing.” Monica smiled. “Your pager is comically useless.”

Carol gave her a look. “It stretched galaxies so…”

“But seriously, get a new comm,” Maria said. “You’re pissing everyone off.”

Carol chuckled. But the laugh could only fizzle in her throat. She dropped her face into her hands. “Ugh.”

Then the idea hit her. It wasn’t a good one. It might even be a downright terrible idea. But it was hers, and it felt right. She looked to Monica and smiled. “Do you remember when you used to cut your boyfriends’ hair?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever cut your girlfriends’ hair?”

Monica lit up. “You want a haircut?”

Carol ran a hand through her locks. “Yeah. I…I need something more low maintenance and that reflects me a little more, you know?”

Monica looked to Maria, then back to Carol. “So something like, really butchy?”

Carol laughed. “But like, sleek.”

“I can do that.” Monica shrugged. “You’ll just have to come back to Earth for touch ups.”

For once in so long, Carol felt her heart lift into something that might even maintain.

And when Monica finished the cut, Carol looked into the mirror and saw someone that she didn’t recognize, but someone she wanted to get to know. Someone she wanted to love. Someone she would love.

And as she zipped back into the damn suit, there was finally a lick of peace.

“Don’t wait longer than six months,” Monica said as Carol eyed the box of Pop Tarts still on the counter.

“Yeah, yeah,” Carol replied as she stuffed an unopened pack of Pop Tarts into her pocket. It got nothing less than a screwed look of confusion from Maria.

Carol went to Monica, hugged her one last time. “I love you, Mon.”

“Love you too.”

Then onto Maria. Held her in an embrace, close enough to whisper in her ear. “You’re devastating, you know that?”

Maria smiled. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

Carol kissed her. “It means 'good.'”

Carol kissed her once more and pulled way.

“By the way, canyouwatchGoosethankyouloveyoubye?” Carol said as she held a piece of bacon with her teeth and ran out of the door.

The last thing she heard was Maria yelling, “CAROL!”


End file.
